My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
