Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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