he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
OPIZZABONMYDICK
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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