Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You made out with two different species that night
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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