We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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