Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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