just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
