Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
