yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
