someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
