i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
