I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
not ubering you a puppy
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
