I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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