angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
