Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
