You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
