Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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