dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i now understand why vodka
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