He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
