Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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