In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
