it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
even my farts smell like vagina
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
