Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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