I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
