This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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