He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
