btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
