I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
