watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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