Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
