Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
