and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
