I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
