If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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