For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
