K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize