i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
