I smell stomach acid.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
