I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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