Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
did i just pee glitter
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
