i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
