You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
