I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
