I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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