Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
