I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
