come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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