I heard we made out
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
