that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
