Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
