By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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