mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
