he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
