You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
