Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
