tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
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NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
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The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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