If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
