Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
