my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
