saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
