forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
