I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
