everyone is single if you try hard enough
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I will pee on everything he values.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
