Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
