Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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