I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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