I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
