So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
