never play flip cup with pint glasses
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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