he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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