im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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