Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
