i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
