I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
