"it" just moved
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
