remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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