So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I want a musical about memes.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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